I know, this does not sound good, but, let’s just be honest and take off the masks and be real: sometimes being a parent is not fun, at ALL!
I usually don’t write about parenting, but I wanted to write something about the struggles I have as a mom at the moment. To write is therapeutic for me, and it helps to get some perspective. It also helps to know that I’m not the only one going through a hard spot in parenting, and I want to encourage other moms/ parents that is in the same boat: you are not alone!
I hate power struggles! And with a strong-willed child, it is inevitable. My eldest’ personality is the opposite of mine, and it brings so much strain. She does not know how to handle her strong feelings, and this results in meltdowns. Together with sensory processing difficulties, parenting her is hard. I hate that parenting her is hard, when all I want to do is love her.
My daughter’s defense mechanism is fight, whereas mine is flight(you can imagine how difficult a situation it can be when everything in me just want to flee the room and avoid confrontation)! But I know I have to help her understand that how she behaves it is not acceptable. It is here where I need lots of wisdom, because a strategy that worked yesterday, will perhaps not work today. I hate not having the answers for each situation.
I hate that I use discipline methods I’m not proud of when I’m at the end of my rope. I hate not having real magical powers, powers mothers everywhere need.
I hate feeling I have to justify the way I raise my children. Every person is different, and that will be seen in one’s parenting too. If I feel my kids benefit from a strict routine, that is what I’m doing, no matter what others think. I don’t mind having no social life after 7pm, because I know my kids need their own bed and they need to be in bed before 8. You see, if we do break that routine, I will be the one battling to get them regulated again after being over stimulated at night, and then get them up in morning for school.
I hate worrying about my children making friends at school, fitting in socially. This probably stems from my childhood insecurities, but it is not nice hearing from your child’s classmates that she is labelled as naughty. I know she is no angel, but it just breaks my heart that her “friends” see her as being naughty. Hopefully it does not affect her as much as it does mommy.
I hate not sleeping through the night, feeling like a zombie the next morning, and having little patience with my kids because of a lack of sleep, not a lack of love.
I hate that my children grow up so quickly, that I can’t remember every little detail, although I try so hard to keep the memories alive.
I hate being a parent in an unsafe South Africa, where you have to be so careful as to where you go, and how much freedom you allow your children. We live in a country that is used to jail gated doors, houses with alarms, cordoned off houses. Our children cannot play in the park alone or ride their bicycles in the neighborhood: our crime rate is too high.
I hate having to instill a sense of carefulness in my children, without causing a spirit of fear to take root, but to trust in a promise from Above that we are protected wherever we go.
I hate that I love my kids so much, it hurts…BUT I would never change that for the world!